HELLEETERTROND PARISH

WELCOME TO THE PARISH OF HELLEETERTROND! Come over the border and leave behind your cares. This is the softest, most womanly parish of them all, with prettiness and smooth-faced residents, often with dimples and warm hands. Even the women are sensitive and do a lot of nodding and listening, with a lot of eye contact. This doesn’t stop residents taking place in the fierce, unruly sport of Croning, where they are prepared to rend one another limb from limb at the famous Croning Field. But afterwards there’s a lot of gentle hugging and patting each other on the hair kind of thing. Helleetertrond’s famous residents include Zaff Gorrund, who discovered how light can be melted down into sugar, and vice versa, and Yerry Bree-oh, who is credited with patenting the first ever shelf. Visit ‘Moan Lane’ and let out some mirth at Martilities Laughter Bar. Then head out for a day exploring the pellch slopes, where the highest density of pellcheries on Jinsy can be found. Take a wander through the teat fields and even milk your own udder! Experience some heavy pellch tasting and round off the day with a romantic trot along to Smirker’s Point, the island’s most northiest outcrop, from which you can get the clearest view of the Outer Nets. But be careful you don’t do anything illegal or you might spend the night in the greeny-blue or the bluey-green punishment booths! It’s a parish with something for everyone (except Mr Torronce, who is still banned from visiting after some drunken hedgebottoming).