BIRTH VEG - CLUPE NUT

‘Nuts’ are fiercely intellectual bores most islanders avoid at pellch and wine evenings or other mingle-type events. You can tell when a ‘nut’ is around just by the glances people are exchanging all round. You don’t want to get stuck in a booth, hut or kiosk with a ‘nut’. They’ll just talk at you about the drivel pump or the theory of psychic-moulding. They have very wrinkly foreheads and fat round the waist. They often have back problems and can end up mirroring the curved shape of the clupe nut itself. Favourite colours: beige or oatmeal. Birthgland: the armpit.